Why is it so Hard to Admit to a Mistake?
We are held captive by mechanisms that make it difficult for us to recognize our own mistakes, learn from them, and prevent future failures. However, we can defend ourselves against this – all it takes is a shift in mindset and approach to our own setbacks.
Every leader knows that failure is an inherent part of the path to success. We often recall examples of others’ setbacks – like James Dyson’s thousands of failed attempts or Jack Ma’s numerous rejections before creating Alibaba. But when it comes to our own mistakes, most of us prefer to remain silent. In conversations with leaders, I’ve heard how failures are accepted and even celebrated in their companies. However, when I asked for a specific example, silence fell. Many interviewees had to rely on partners’ memories to recall their own mistakes.
This didn’t surprise me when I read Professor Amy Edmondson’s book, “Right Kind of Wrong. Why Learning to Fail Can Teach Us to Thrive.” The author describes the mechanisms that make it difficult for us to recognize mistakes and draw conclusions from them. How can we defend ourselves against this?
If Everyone Agrees with You – Be Careful!
Perhaps you’ve been convinced of the validity of an idea that turned out to be a complete failure. This might be the effect of confirmation bias – the tendency to notice only information that confirms our existing beliefs. Even if we’re aware of its existence, it’s hard to protect ourselves from it.
As Professor Edmondson explains, our beliefs can lead to errors because we constantly seek their confirmation. “We are drawn to what validates our perspectives, which makes it easy to overlook signals that challenge our interpretations,” she observes. Therefore, instead of focusing on confirming our own beliefs, it’s worth actively seeking out errors.
The Brain Prefers to Avoid Reflection
The reluctance to admit to mistakes also stems from how our brain operates. Małgorzata Osowiecka‑Szczygieł, a psychologist from SWPS University, explains that our mind strives for optimization – we want to act quickly and efficiently, which often leads to unreflective thinking. Daniel Kahneman, in “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” distinguished two cognitive systems:
- Fast system – intuitive, emotional, habit-based.
- Slow system – logical, requiring greater effort.
When we are under pressure, the fast system takes over, making it easier for us to make erroneous decisions and leading us to superficial judgments.
Fear of Judgment is Stronger Than the Desire to Learn
Our aversion to failure is also socially ingrained. For centuries, the instinct to warn against danger helped our ancestors survive. Today, we don’t fear wild animals, but we do fear social exclusion, which effectively prevents us from publicly admitting our mistakes.
Research by James Detert and Amy Edmondson shows that fear of judgment leads us to avoid risks and forgo opportunities that could help us grow. Psychologist Małgorzata Osowiecka-Szczygieł points out that as social beings, we have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others. We want to be seen as infallible, associated with success, not failure. That’s why we sweep mistakes under the rug instead of analyzing them.
How to Befriend Failure?
Failure can only be destructive if we allow it to be. That’s why it’s worth learning to accept mistakes and transform them into valuable lessons. Self-awareness is key – the ability to recognize your emotions, manage them, and draw conclusions.
“A self-aware leader knows they are valuable regardless of their mistakes. They can name the emotions associated with failure, take responsibility for it, but don’t allow it to define them,” says Osowiecka-Szczygieł. She adds that changing one’s approach to mistakes requires self-work and repeated attempts.
The “Stop, Challenge, Choose“ Method
Professor Amy Edmondson proposes a method that helps in constructively dealing with failures:
1. Stop. Pause before an automatic reaction takes control. Take a deep breath and consider the consequences of your thoughts and actions.
- What really happened?
- What is the broader perspective?
- What emotions am I experiencing?
2. Challenge. Check if your initial thoughts are leading you astray. Consider whether you are interpreting the situation in a way that doesn’t serve your goals.
- Are my beliefs based on facts?
- What other explanations are possible?
- Does this interpretation support my long-term goals?
3. Choose. Make a decision that is constructive and well-considered, not impulsive.
- What do I want to achieve?
- What will actually help me achieve it?
Work on Yourself to Better Cope with Mistakes
To effectively recognize and accept mistakes, you need to work on yourself. As Małgorzata Osowiecka-Szczygieł emphasizes, you cannot embrace failure if you don’t have self-respect. Therefore, it’s worth investing in:
- Building self-confidence – developing healthy self-esteem.
- Relationships with others – surrounding yourself with supportive people.
- Reflection – honest conversations with yourself.
A reluctance to admit mistakes can lead us to stop taking risks and lose many valuable opportunities. I hope you won’t let your mistakes go to waste. To start, think about the biggest mistake you’ve made in your professional life. And what did you learn from it?
